Hey how everything going. Well as you may have noticed I didn't post a part of the story today, because instead I am going to... post some jokes! Yeah! Ya I know the idea sucks a little but I just wasn't in the mood to write. So here they go:
Funny quotes:
Oscar Levant
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Homer Simpson
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'
Demitri Martin
I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names.
Caution dumb blonde joke is coming up, if by any way you may be offended by these kinds of jokes move on to the next one.-
A blonde and a brunette were walking down a sidewalk and the brunette says,"Hey, look it's a dead bird", the blonde looks up to the sky and says, "Where?"
Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida. As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying “Disney World Left!” After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said “Oh well!” and started driving back home.
Other:
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'
I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?'
He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.'
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'
He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.'
I inquired, 'Well then, why in the world would you be crying?'
He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.'
He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'
I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?'
He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.'
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'
He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.'
I inquired, 'Well then, why in the world would you be crying?'
He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.'
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